Baby its DARK out there...

1-29-2020

.... In the darkness of a blackout, you may feel the weight of the dark. Heavy, thick, and weighted as if a really heavy blanket has been placed on you.  The light has left and what is left is a heavy, deep void. Some are terribly afraid of the dark, are you? 

It can feel as if you are alone and in desperate need of air when all you can do is tell yourself to breathe and relax to overcome the darkness. It can be emotionally all-encompassing as if moving through the swamp of a mirky black bog. The reality in a dark place is feeling alone, deeply alone. 

Have you ever felt this?, Maybe not in a 'blackout', but in your home, in your mind?

Have you ever been in this dark place? I have. It can come from depression, from a 'power outage', from camping in a remote place with no fire or lights. It can come from spiritual darkness. 

I have had dark mental battles, evil creeping in when what I wanted was light. Othertimes I wanted the darkness, it felt..... comfortable, as if it would soothe me. 

I know that is not the truth, but it can seem as if it is. 

I remember driving up our Main street in town after a power outage and it was so dark. No street lights, no traffic lights, nothing shining to reflect the lights the restaurants are dark and it's eerie.  Headlights from your car, seem to only pierce the darkness in a small area around you.

The light is gone and you feel so alone in the darkness. 

I know this sounds dark and bad. It can be, I want to share hope and light to help those who might feel like this is a place they abide once in a while or daily fashion. Or even those who get really scared when the power is out. 

Until you are IN the Light, you might think you are destined to be in that dark place. If you feel that way, I hope to share some REAL hope with you. 

What if you had no power, no lights, a heater in the dead of winter or cooling in the summer. What would you do?  I have a few suggestions at the end ***, would you be able to manage your thoughts, your feelings? Would you need a friend there to hold you or be near you? Could you use the shower or toilet in the dark? What you practice now, will not be as uncomfortable if it ever happens. 

The light and darkness of each day is a reminder of good and evil. If you do not believe in evil, I gently suggest a word study and then look at the jails, the police reports or the greater incidence of sex trafficking, evil is pretty big in the world today. There is slave trading going on today in many ways larger than the issue in the 1800s and even before that. It's a dark dark world. But there is Light too.

Who can bring a light, to help those in a dark situation? Whether it is physically because of a power outage, or mentally because of dark thoughts or spiritually because of a loss of faith, or just not having faith in a 'greater power'. 

I have been in all three at one time or another. Shoot, I have been in all three at one time!
I don't have a fix-all, but I can share what helped me and why I live in a life of Light now, and not darkness. 

You may have guessed it, yes its faith. 

What is faith exactly? Believing in something you can not see. I have faith when I go swimming that I will be able to breathe as I swim, so I do not give in to fear. I have faith that there will be air for me to breathe and that my skill as a swimmer will keep me alive. 

Believing your car will start when you put the key in the ignition and turn it. You believe it will start, and if it doesn't you believe your mechanic will fix it promptly. 

We believe, when we grow a garden, have a baby, or train a dog. We believe all the time, out of trust and hope. We believe that we will fall in love, have love and be loved in this lifetime. Love is surely not something you can see, or can you?


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Websters,  1828 Dictionary

BELIE'VE, verb transitive To credit upon the authority or testimony of another; to be persuaded of the truth of something upon the declaration of another, or upon evidence furnished by reasons, arguments, and deductions of the mind, or by other circumstances, than personal knowledge. When we believe upon the authority of another, we always put confidence in his veracity.

When we believe upon the authority of reasoning, arguments, or concurrence of facts and circumstances, we rest our conclusions upon their strength or probability, their agreement with our own experience, etc.

2. To expect or hope with confidence; to trust.

I had fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalms 27:13.

BELIE'VE, verb intransitive To have a firm persuasion of anything. In some cases, to have full persuasion, approaching to certainty; in others, more doubt is implied. It is often followed by in or on, especially in the scriptures. To believe in, is to hold as the object of faith. 'Ye believe in God, believe also in me.' John 14:1. To believe on, is to trust, to place full confidence in, to rest upon with faith. 'To them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.' John 1:7. Johnson. But there is no ground for much distinction.

In theology, to believe sometimes expresses a mere assent of the understanding to the truths of the gospel; as in the case of Simon. Acts 8:37. In others, the word implies, with this assent of the mind, a yielding of the will and affections, accompanied with a humble reliance on Christ for salvation. John 1:12. John 3:15.

In popular use and familiar discourse, to believe often expresses an opinion in a vague manner, without a very exact estimate of evidence, noting a mere preponderance of opinion, and is nearly equivalent to think or suppose.

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So there are things we see and believe:  we believe gas is in the line and a match or spark will light it or a cake rising in the oven (we believe in the chemical gasses that expand and lift the cake), we believe in oxygen even if we can't see, smell or touch it. 

Ahhh, but then I mention God. Many I know used to believe in God, 'when I was young' they say, or 'I used to believe in God' or some might say, 'I want to believe there is a God, I can't tell though'. I hope you will hear my story and learn I didn't always believe in God or believe that He wanted me to be His friend. 

I grew up in a non-Christian home, but a mostly moral home. There were some attitudes and actions that were definitely not kind or moral "Oh, yes she is ONLY 12.... when I was truthfully 13 or 14", or being called "dummkopf" over and over again, plus many other events that damaged my faith in God.

I was taken to church by neighbors, went to church camp,  to VBS and sang Christmas carols about Jesus being God. I heard it all and believed that Jesus was God, but never wanted to give Him my life. I didn't even know what that was, just that people said it. 

At 17, I had lived through my brothers' suicide and family disfunction, acted out on my insecurities, OD on alcohol on accident, tried to die on purpose, made some morally bad choices, hated school, was super insecure, wanted to please everyone, and yet for some reason I found darkness a very deep place that kept calling me. I had no hope, no reason to live. I was a mess. 

When I look back at my life I think of all the dark places I occupied and would allow my mind to roam and I just felt life was such a waste, pity parties that WERE NOT FUN (who named them a party! HA, its a lie!), No focus, no one encouraged me to be me, so I just tried to please everyone. I was ill and didn't know it. 

Yes mentally, physically, and spiritually. I needed a Doctor, but who could look inside me and fix the mess I was in? I know people try to fix others, but no one knows the deep dark places we see and feel and no one was brave enough to journey there with me, so I 'faked it all the more' because I knew I was alone, deep inside of myself. 

I was in this dark, lost place until I was 18 1/2 and I was drawn to church (to be with my boyfriend who went to please HIS mom), then the singing and then to the story that God wanted me. He loved me. 

He died for me. ME. Jesus was and is God so the sacrifice was the one 100% approved by His Father. It had to be perfect to be good enough for God, Perfect. I believed it, I trusted the validity of the Bible and I gave my life to God. "lock, stock and barrel" as they say somewhere... who says that anyway?

I have learned over the last 40 years that deep calls to deep and God was even deeper than the darkness I knew or anyone has ever known. If the Apostle Paul can go from being a murderer to a follower of Christ and live in freedom and forgiveness then I could too. I know how deeply I hurt and how God went below that and lifted me up to Himself. 

I have had years of pain, suffering, loss and major rejection as a Christian. My hope? God is love and my belief that His promises are true and never changing. 

I can believe or not believe and there have been times as a Christian that I didn't fully believe what God said. That is counter-intuitive though, I had to learn to trust in all things and not 'figure it out'  on my own. Prov. 3:5-6

That is like going to the courthouse and when the Judge says, "you are free to go, you don't have to go to jail for the speeding ticket. Do not drive 139 again, but you are free to go." (this actually happened to a friend, after his baby died, he was caught speeding. The judge said you are 'forgiven and told Don't EVER do that again, or you WILL be put in jail." ) after hearing you are free, you then tell the Judge, I don't believe you. I will wait for the bailiff to handcuff me. The judge decides the final 'say'.

So, if a human judge can forgive an offense, so will God. If you ask. If you believe. If you trust His word. 

I pray you can. I pray you do. I pray for you to allow God to reveal Himself to you. 

I know I would be dead today if I were not a Christian. I needed a Big WHY to keep living and God's love filled me and replaced the emptiness with love. God has patiently been trimming me (as a perfect Potter does), firing me, decorating me with beauty based in Love. He loves me. Me! After I hated Him, mocked Him, didn't believe His words, He forgave me and continues to each day. 

I sure hope you want that forgiveness too. I have shared the mess I have made and been involved in as a youth, but It is all part of my story. As a Christian, I do not have a perfect life, but you don't have to have a perfect life for it to be a Good Life.  

I have had hurts, greed, wrong motives, pain, stress, lies told to me, fear, and discouragement galore. I keep 'casting all my cares on God' because He cares for us. I want a clean, loving, forgiving, full life and because God is working in me for His great plan, I am happy to submit. 

John 5:1 The light will shine the darkness MUST flee, Jesus is the Light of the World. 

I hope you will stay in touch and let me know what you are learning about God, His love and your hope for this life and the afterlife. 

We are family, and I love you.   (my classmates, YOU are such a blessing to me. Thank you for accepting me, just as I am) 

God bless you. 




***  Winter warmth with no electricity, Start a fire in a metal bucket (assuming you are not privy to a woodstove) or in a cleared out area, and put a few rocks in the ashes or around the perimeter. Let the rocks warm-up in the 'fire' and then carefully place them by your feet in the bed, and your heart. You will sleep well and warm for hours. The larger the rock, the heavier it is, and the more warmth it holds. 

Summertime: Put cold water in your bathtub and sit, with clothes on and then get out and sit with a fan moving the air, a handmade fan works well. If you do not have a fan or bathtub, then use a bowl with cold water for your feet and a wet cloth on your neck. Sit and relax with wet clothing. Going outside if there is a breeze, or where there is moving air in the shade.